Day #6: Auschwitz

I'm sure many of my classmates have posted about the heart-to-heart feelings circle we had in Auschwitz today. I personally was so overcome with emotion I could not speak. Seeing everyone expressing what they were feeling and hearing their thoughts that were so much like my own really broke me down. But in a very cathartic way.

At one point someone mentioned how hearing your parents and grandparents talk about their struggle gets old and almost tiring after a while and you learn to brush it off or just not truly embrace what it means. I really wanted to speak about my own personal story on that then but I just couldn't physically form words I was just shaking. So I guess I'll write it out for my classmates and any parents reading: I have heard stories or parts of stories about my grandfather and his time in a concentration camp throughout my life, but I could never really imagine what it was like or really picture his life or his struggle. He was a soldier for the Soviet Union and was taken prisoner of war in his first battle. He remained the rest of the war in a concentration camp that also contained POWs (which virtually all of them did). We don't even know which one he was in. 

Walking through Auschwitz I could not help but see him everywhere. The beds, the work, any mention of POWs brought him to mind. It hit me so hard and while I can never ever feel what he felt I now have a stronger bond and connection to his story. Our beloved classmate Annie said something at the end of our circle about how we all have relatives/loved ones looking down on us who are proud of us for doing this. My thoughts went yet again to my grandfather, who passed away earlier this year. And I along with everyone else in the circle completely lost it. I love you grandpa and I think I can speak for everyone in saying all of us not only had a lot of love in our hearts for our families and ancestors, but each other and the courageously large amount of support we all gave to each other on this difficult day. (Nora Cam)

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Today we went to the most infamous death camps of all, the ones that everyone knows about and fears: Auschwitz. As we prepared to enter the camp [Auschwitz I] uneasily, Ms. Freeman said that the layout was more of a remembrance museum rather than simply going around and looking at ruins and what used to be, and I have to say I was confused and a little worried. What if they didn't do the place justice? What if it turned out to be just another museum? But boy was I wrong.

Our tour guide, Magdalena (who was good by the way Ms. Freeman, no need to switch channels to listen in to Berta this year!), led us around the camp and explained the different buildings and their purposes and it was honestly quite shocking. I remember in particular the jail room and isolation blocks that we went into and how there was this priest, Maximilian [Kolbe] who gave his life to save another man's life (he had a whole family).   The man ended up surviving and returned to his family and died in 2001. 

The second thing that stood out to me was when Magdalena led us into a room and told us that this was where the doctors experimented on children. I saw pictures of starved and malnourished children and then I saw the kinds of things they did and I was so overwhelmed with anger that I was shaking. How could someone be so absolutely f***ing heartless as torture and kill innocent and helpless fearful children and babies? These people were clearly monsters and I would go so far as to say I hope they died particularly painfully.

Magdalena said something so powerful that it really got me thinking: "Look at their faces. These little children were told that they were going to shower and then receive a hot meal and then go to sleep, but really they were walking to their death. They were lied to until the very end."

Anyway, after the tour of Auschwitz I we had lunch and then proceeded to Auschwitz-Birkenau, which is the one you always see in movies (with the long rail road leading to the big building with the archway that the train passes through).

There we walked around as a group for awhile and saw the remnants of the bombed barracks, gas chambers, and crematoriums, all the while noting how beautiful the natural scenery was. But saying that out loud or even thinking it felt almost wrong. How could a place where truly atrocious things happened be so beautiful? It initially didn't make any sense to me. After about 2 hours we came upon a field where many ashes were spread and were told to walk around a bit and take it all in. After about 15 minutes we walked into the building where the women from Schindler's list checked in and showered, sat down on the floor, and debriefed our feelings on the day.

This was the most powerful and memorable experience that I had today, even with going to two death camps. I feel as though sharing our feelings and bonding and coming together to move one collective step closer to making sure something like this never happened again. We shared a good cry together and people were comforting each other that had never spoken to one another before; it was such a moving experience that it even melted my cold heart and made me shed a solid 5 tears--FIVE! (Haha!) Mike K said it correctly that this circle and this closeness was why we chose to come on this trip rather than partying it up in the Bahamas.  (Ariadne)

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Dear Mom and Dad,

I found barracks 9 and 24 where Grandma Tobey and Tanta Frania stayed.

Love you always, 
Annie 

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I put foot powder in my shoes--the beginning of the day that will last forever

It took me awhile to get to post.

And when I tried to type this on the bus, I didn't know what to start with. So maybe just the basics.

Today we went to Auschwitz and Birkenau and everything was normal. When I say normal, I mean that we were the rowdy bunch we usually are and were hanging out in small groups to try and prepare ourselves for the camps. We got up at what we consider an ungodly hour to eat not-so-amazing breakfast of scrambled eggs, yogurt, and bread with Nutella. We got on the bus to Auschwitz I and joked about who did what in the bathroom last night, and how the showers were lukewarm, and who we've come to despise in the last few hours for some dumb reason. 

So when we got to the camp and learned it would be set up as a museum we all just moaned. The "same museum" in different countries gets tiring even when you want to be moved and you want to cry. You want to feel something because that's what we think makes us better humans. But inside those preserved barracks were things that would do more than fulfill the obligation of making us cry.
If you can only imagine seeing piles of children's shoes and hair stacked from floor to ceiling...it's not about wanting to cry. It's about why you're upset, why you're angry. And most importantly it's about the people who step forward and comfort you. People who you've barely had contact with in Boston will surrender their tissues to you, hold your hand, and squeeze you until you can look them in the eyes and say thank you. 

Dramatic much? Yeah, definitely, but it's so powerful that there's no other way to describe the connection we were able to reach with each other. Instead of turning away when someone felt vulnerable, we embraced them and embraced our own self. It was beautiful and something simple that we should be able to do all the time.

Everything we had done up until this day...all the gossip about each other and chatter about hot European men...it just became so irrelevant. 

At the end of the day we sat in a circle and just talked. A nice long talk about what we had seen and felt and why. Can you imagine 50 Americans sitting on the floor and crying together?? At one point I was crying because I was so happy and felt so close with everyone. You don't get this experience in school or in a classroom. Even our chaperones felt that deep down. 

Just a quick thanks to all of the chaperones who helped us and donated all their tissues. I cried even more when you shared what impacted you.

Don't ever be afraid to cry or need a shoulder to lean on. We're all equals when we experience this together and remember it together. Thank you.   (Arielle)